By Mary T. O’Sullivan, MSOL
“…because women are expected to be helpful, women are penalized more than men when they decline requests for assistance.” – Kim Elsesser, in Forbes
Nothing New Here
In the 1980s and 1990s, it was not uncommon for women to perform “office housework”; take notes, get coffee, make copies, or perform other “menial” or “administrative” tasks. These requests were not limited to secretaries or administrative assistants but included professional women as well. If the room was filled with men, and only one woman, the tasks would fall to her. I have personally been asked to get coffee, right out loud in a public forum. In one instance, I was so incensed, I asked the man, my boss, if he wanted me to drink it for him too, in the same open forum. He later apologized. That, however, did not stop him from asking me to give him my notes in other meetings. After some frustration, I learned to say, “I didn’t take any notes”, to demur from sharing the work I had done, and I continued that answer throughout my career. Depending on the company culture, I was asked to perform all three of these tasks among others, including making copies. Inevitably I figured out a strategy to avoid doing any of them. As we approached the age of sustainability and environmentalism, I refused to make copies of anything that was electronically available. I’d tell them I was “saving trees”.
Breaking the Habit
After a few years in my career, most men stopped asking me to perform jobs they were perfectly capable of doing themselves. They just had to learn to break the habit, and I was their teacher. Surprisingly, in a 2023 Forbes article, apparently the old sexist practice of assigning women to these jobs still exists. According to their article, even today, after all women’s advances in equality, women continue to perform 29% more “office housework” than men. How can this be?
Who Plans the Parties?
Forbes cites several studies that show that women are less likely than men to refuse to take on such tasks, including planning parties and ordering food. I can remember also being expected to order food, and I flatly refused. I hired a part time administrator to perform that task, or the group would go hungry. I’m flabbergasted that today; women are willingly taking on these responsibilities. In one study, a mixed group of men and women was asked to award a small amount of money if it benefited the group. The study showed that 48% of the women opted to give the money, and no men did. When the sexes were separated, none of the women awarded the money. According to the authors of the study, “Women realize when men are present, women are expected to do what’s necessary to improve the situation for everyone,”
Selfish or Busy?
Unfortunately, the perception of women who won’t “help” means that they are considered selfish, while men who won’t “help” are considered “busy”. This observation came from Adam Grant, a well-known organizational psychologist and writer, and Sheryl Sandburg, former Facebook COO, two authorities on work. Some studies offer strategies that require a measure of politeness and cooperation. While there’s nothing wrong with that approach, I’ve found that more direct communication works best. Most men don’t take subtle hints but will register with a version of a firm “no”. It’s especially challenging in a predominantly male workplace but is important to remember in any workplace.
Modeling Behavior
Furthermore, once men get the idea that women aren’t the only ones capable of these tasks, they begin to step up. According to the author, once men see other men performing the note taking, food ordering, party planning, etc., the behavior becomes more acceptable, and more men pick up the mantle. And the more men that step up, the less these mundane tasks will be viewed as belonging to women, and the stereotype will begin to fade away.
Learn to say the “N” Word, for NO
et’s hope more women learn to say the “n” word, which stands for “No”. It’s 2023, and we’ve been wrangling with this silly perception since the 1950s. Why go backwards?
“Over years of research, [the authors] found that across the public and private sectors, and a wide range of roles, female employees were shouldering the burden of “office housework” and low-value assignments, causing them to miss out on promotions and pay increases.” – The Guardian
Connect with Mary:
www.encoreexecutivecoaching.com
