To be a Great Thanksgiving Host or Hostess, Use Your Leadership Qualities
By Mary T. O’Sullivan, MSOL
“For some of us, Thanksgiving dinner can include a cornucopia of intrusive, inappropriate and anxiety-producing comments from loved ones. “ The New York Times
Leaders face tough choices every day and learn to stay calm in conflict situations. Where does this challenge usually arise more often than any other event? It’s the annual family gathering known as Thanksgiving. For many of us, the very idea of gathering with family and loved ones may prompt feelings of anxiety and dread. But, just like any other leadership challenge, it’s best to manage your expectations in advance. Regardless of the existing family tension or opposing opinions on touchy topics, anticipating the upcoming holiday can sometimes feel like getting ready to step through a minefield. You feel as if you must “gird your loins”. So how can leadership skills help guide you through the anxiety of Thanksgiving? You can maintain harmony and enjoy the day, if you stick to some basic rules. It doesn’t have to be a food fight!
As every leader knows, setting clear boundaries helps to control the direction of the mission. Making it plain to guests in advance that the day is set aside for thanks, gratitude, warmth, and appreciation. Mention that auditions for the high school debate team are not in alignment with the purpose of sharing the feast. It’s okay to interrupt a discussion that veers from the spirit of the day. “Should the conversation get tense during dinner, redirecting or deflecting to another topic can always help,” says an NPR reporter on crisis management. If a heated discussion comes up, simply change the conversation to a topic everyone can enjoy, like sports or movies. Ask, “what Netflix series have you been streaming?” or “How ’bout them Patriots?” Thanksgiving is a great day to watch football or movies, so why waste it with useless arguments that no one will win?
Exhibiting respect reflects another essential leadership quality. It may be nerve wracking to pacify provocative guests, but expressing respect for their argument can make them feel valued and may defuse further squabbles. Make sure to listen to their points and maybe inject some humor into the conversation. A mild joke interrupts the power struggle and eases tension. Telling a funny story or laughing at your own mistakes creates a sense of belonging and acceptance. Besides, there’s no better ice breaker than humor.
Know when the return on investment (ROI) isn’t worth it. There’s a famous Marshall Goldsmith video, only about five minutes long. It’s called “You Might Be Right, But Is It Worth It?” In this video, Dr. Goldsmith states that the biggest problem with leaders today is winning too much. When annoying remarks are said out loud, stop and breathe and ask whether what you are about to say or do is worth it. Not every argument needs to be won. Knowing when to disengage from a controversial or unpleasant subject helps the day go much more pleasantly. Guests will have less indigestion.
By following simple steps to use at the Thanksgiving table, you take back control of the situation and focus on what really matters: “connection, gratitude, and celebration.” With clear boundaries, respect for all, and evaluating arguments, Thanksgiving can become a time of reconnection and togetherness that everyone can enjoy. So, as you get ready for Thanksgiving 2024, remember—”it’s okay to agree to disagree and pass the gravy!”
A Good Story to Loosen Up the Crowd (from Yankee Magazine)
I spent my first Thanksgiving with my husband in his Irish Italian neighborhood in New York City. As a newcomer, I was placed in charge of boiling 15 pounds of potatoes. When they were ready, I picked up the pan and surveyed the crowded kitchen for a sink in which to drain them. My husband’s elderly uncle Bob guided me to a small half-bathroom and grabbed the steaming pot. He started to drain the potatoes into the toilet, but he lost his grip on the lid and all the potatoes tumbled in! I screamed, “Oh no!” but Uncle Bob began fishing the potatoes out of the toilet. “No one will ever know,” he whispered. “Now just go out there and mash them.”Sometime later, during the meal, my husband’s Aunt Tot leaned over and whispered, “Your potatoes are delicious. I think you are going to fit into this family quite nicely.”
“Clean out and make room in your emotional refrigerator (where you get nurtured) for more humor, laughter, and joy, especially around this time of year. Take a daily dose of mirth as a re-laxative. It can prevent hardening of the attitudes.” – Mahomet, Illinois Daily
